turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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