SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
