Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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