C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You're like the curious george of whores
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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