Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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