third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
