I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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