my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
