haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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