It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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