if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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