i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
