Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
