I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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