when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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