I will die if light touches me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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