I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
