I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
