he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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