We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
