omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up under a house in Key West
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