Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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