I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
