i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
