Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
