its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
