So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
