Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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