You smell like a Billy Joel song
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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