She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
