sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did you pee in the oven last night??
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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