That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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