I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
