Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
