so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
