you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
