Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize