Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize