can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
