There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
