just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize