I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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