you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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