worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
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