For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We are two peas in an std pod
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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