great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
