you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
