We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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