When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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