I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize