if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
