Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
