i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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