my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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