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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk

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• (310): View more from California

  Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  I'm really busy with my period

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