Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
and you fell through a lawn chair
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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