It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
