Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
