i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
