New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
