Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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