just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
