We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she told me i tasted like america
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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