I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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