Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
