ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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