i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
