Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
True strength comes from lack of pants
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
