I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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