Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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