I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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