I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
