how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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