I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
