Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
