dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
