I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
