Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
