I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
