My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
