So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
