I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
