Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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