Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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