fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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