Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
